February 2, 2786
So…Dear Diary? I think it would be better if I didn’t address you as a sentient entity. It would make me seem crazier than I already am. That’s what mother and father think anyways.
It was Ina’s idea to start this, said that it would give me a place a vent since she’s not always available. I don’t know why she listens to me. I’m just another bloody nâr (rat) to her. Is it because of pity? She must, she is a knife ear…that has to be the reason.
Can’t hurt to keep this thing around I suppose.
February 6, 2786
I am the bloody champion of chess! That is all.
April 12, 2786
Bloody knife ears! We got kicked out of Corellon’s Eyes again. Bet they were afraid we were going to steal something. We can’t touch anything, but he lets these toddlers dash about like bulls in a china shop.
I would like to learn magic, but with those laws in place there isn’t any chance. A human wizard in Sein Lenn, how absurd.
I won’t ever understand why they treat us the way they do. Father says it’s because of the War of the Wilds. Because of the elves live for such a long time they remember more…hold grudges longer. It seems quite childish to me. I was not the cause of the war, therefore why hold a grudge against those not responsible? We are merely the children of the sinners not the sinners themselves.
May 8, 2786
I was walking along the river’s edge when Ina found me. Apparently she was on a stroll and told me she couldn’t stand being in Watery Foot all day. This isn’t the first time we‘ve found each other outside of town. Though it always seems she finds me.
On many occasions she speaks about how much she dislikes the other elven girls. She finds them too superficial, always on the search for boy of a higher class to marry. Her parents wish for her to do the same, but Ina wants nothing to with marriage. However it isn’t uncommon to marry at sixteen.
Then she started to act quite strange. There was an awkward silence and then she asked if I fancied any girls. I told her none of the girls would want to talk to a guy with his nose in dog-eared books. She didn’t say anything after that.
July 14, 2786
Today was Annie’s birthday. My family threw a small party for her. Most of her gifts consisted of clothing, but I got her a doll. It was one of the nicer ones they sold in the upper end toy stores. The dress was made out of green satin and the eyes were made from glass and small shards of blue crystal. It was a beautiful piece of craftsmanship. I had to get Ina to purchase it for me. It took me three months to earn the money but the look on Annie’s face made it worth every copper. I would do anything to see her smile.
July 15, 2786
I came home sporting a few new cuts today. Why you ask? Some knife ear boys thought it would be fun to see if a nâr could outrun a bloodhound! Needless to say their curiosity was satisfied when the bitch bit my leg!
Mother says things like this wouldn’t happen to me if I thought before I spoke. As if keeping my mouth shut up would warrant better treatment. I rather be outspoken than a sniveling coward.
September 7, 2786
They broke Annie’s arm for breaking Ithali’s vases! Mother and father didn’t do anything about it! He held me back as they did the deed. I tried to help her, but I couldn’t break free. All I could do was watch in horror as the bone snapped. As Annie cried they hit her, THEY HIT HER FOR CRYING!
I shouted at my parents afterwards. They slapped me to put me in my place. It was for my own good they explained; if I had spoken out I would’ve been killed. I’m still not talking to them.
I saw Annie later. I promised her they would pay. She cried, told me that she didn’t want me hurt because of her. Those tears broke my heart.
I’ll kill them though…slowly. They’ll suffer and even hell will pale in comparison.
September 18, 2786
Sometimes I just want to run.
September 27, 2786
I regretted what I did today. It was supposed to be a stroll to clear my head; instead it turned into a walk through a sea of fury. I was angry at the elves. Lately their words, their actions, their ignorance have penetrated my shields more than I liked. I was in this state of rage when Ina found me again.
I took all my anger out on her. She stood there taking every shout, every curse, and everything else I had. I backed her into a tree, my fist struck awfully close to her face but I hit the rough bark at the last second. I guess I must’ve struck it hard, because my hand still hurts.
She didn’t flinch. When I was done raging I remember sinking to the ground, then her arms around my body. She spoke gently to me, telling me how she wished her people were different, that no one deserved the pain that was laid upon me. I stayed in that position for a long time. I didn’t have the strength or the will to leave her.
October 22, 2786
My father is an idiot.
December 12, 2786
My friend Reginald approached me today with some interesting information. He had noticed that I often browsed the magic shop in my spare time and “borrowed” books from the lord’s library when he was away on business. Note: Must be stealthier.
There is going to be a meeting discussing the nature of magic later this week at the home of “Master Nigel”. When I tried asking more about this master, he told me all would be revealed if I went to the meeting. It would be a good opportunity to learn information that is normally kept from us.
For a non-knife ear to learn the arcane arts would warrant an extremely harsh punishment, but…I want to learn…I want to know. It could help me the next time they try to hurt Annie. Maybe I won’t be as helpless…This is too good an opportunity to pass up.
December 14, 2786
Mere words cannot describe the greatness my ears drank in tonight…more later.
December 16, 2786
Master Nigel is absolutely brilliant. It was as if he knew exactly how I felt. Razor sharp wit, grace, and superior intelligence, every insult every opposing view that was thrown in his direction was handled with the utmost care then hurled back to the source with such force it left the person dazed.
To say that he is an expert of the arcane arts would be a gross understatement. If the arcane manifested itself right now it would take the form of Master Nigel. He explained the arcane in terms that anyone could understand yet weaved these words into beautiful poetry. The greatest of artist could not achieve what Master Nigel allowed me to witness …clarity.
When the evening came to an end it was near dawn. I was not the least bit tired. Through my nerves sparks of electricity flowed. Still excited about the lecture I could not help but be in a cheerful mood all day.
March 17, 2787
For many nights I have been going to the master listening to his every word. I have parchment after parchment full of notes I keep under the floorboards of the abandoned shed and read them over and over again when I cannot attend a meeting, but what he said tonight has brought me the most joy.
He wants initiates in his order. He and his trusted subordinates would teach these initiates the ways of the infernal arts. The training he told us wouldn’t be for the faint of heart so each of us who wanted to learn would have to pass a rigorous test of mental strength.
I have to pass. I have to be taught by him…There is no other reason…
March 30, 2787
I BLOODY DID IT! You are looking (if journals had eyes) at an initiate of Broken Wing. Out of the fifty-five, ten were chosen and I, of course, am one of those ten. We proved ourselves! We are worthy. Master Nigel, however, did say those who didn’t pass would be trained in the martial arts if they so desired. I am very sure they all accepted.
We will change this country…Our order will decimate those knife ears.
April 25, 2787
Master Nigel said the dreams would eventually lower in intensity. I have nightmares about devils, demons, and the realms of hell. Every night after the drinking from the onyx chalice I’ve lied awake in my bed staring at the ceiling dreading the sleep that will overtake me.
Darkness has manifested tendrils that creep into my subconscious. They grasp at my mind and threaten to tear my soul. They weave into my psyche and pollute my being. Even these words cannot adequately describe what I feel.
I feel as if unknown forces are watching me. Often I look over my shoulder while I work just to make sure someone isn’t there.
June 5, 2787
I cast my first spell today, an eldritch blast. It felt…wonderful yet frightening. Nigel said that he hadn’t seen a blast of that magnitude from a beginner before. Though he added my control needed work.
July 5, 2787
I find it hard to control my emotions when the knife ears are around. Master Nigel strongly prohibited us from using magic outside in the open. It is not time. He further explained that when the time comes to exterminate those oppressors we use our anger, our hate, and all of our sorrow against them. Emotions are powerful weapons. We must not show mercy to those who would not turn a listening ear to us.
July 26, 2787
She was waiting at my home after I was done tending to the lord’s stables. Judging by her reddened eyes she had been crying for a while. Her parents were drawing up a sort of marriage contract with another family. We talked for a while traveling deeper and deeper into the wood.
We came upon the Aras River and sat at its bank in silence enjoying the sound of rushing water over stone. She was the first one to speak. The boy they wanted her to marry was a nice enough young man with an ample amount of prime real estate. She began to cry.
Following my instincts I placed my arm over her shoulder and hugged her close. Her tears were stained my shirt, but I didn’t care. The words came out muffled but my mind translated them clearly, “Le melon. (I love you)”
My mind processes came to a screeching halt. She must’ve felt my body stiffen, because she looked up at me with those golden eyes pleadingly. I wanted to see her smile. I wanted her to be happy. I kissed her and…it was amazing.
September 13, 2787
She is an elf and I care for her. I, a human that has been oppressed by them, may love her also. She makes me dizzy when we are close. My hatred for her race isn’t supposed to know any bounds. But why her? Why couldn’t she have been a human? Why do the gods curse me so?
October 1, 2787
Master Nigel had noticed my improved mood and told me to contain my excitement. He knew the time to strike the devastating blow to the elves was near. The higher ups in the order have been preparing for months. Death would rain down upon all elves…
I should have been delighted by those words, but why is there a chill in my stomach?
November 11, 2787
It was a bad idea, but I told her. I told her about the order’s plans. I told her about my training. I showed her what I could do.
She was not afraid.
We would simply run away together when the time came. Confidence radiated from her. I could not help but feel the way she does. Can I really just run and leave it all behind?
November 29, 2787
They’re gone…all gone…I can’t believe this is happening. THIS CAN’T BE HAPPENING. They were supposed to change Nanenlaer. I was supposed to be on a ship from Sein Lenn bound for Blanchon with Ina.
It was that bloody bastard Reginald that betrayed us. He revealed to the government our plans in exchange for land and a title on the other continent. The gullible idiot was skewered with the rest of the order. Heard his corpse was hung in to square as an example to all non-knife ears. He deserved worse. I would’ve done worse if I could get my hands on him.
The battle mages stormed into the hideout. Some tried to run but were seared by fire. The escape routes were blocked. The only reason I’m still here is because I was late to the meeting and hid in the brush. I wanted to help but…I couldn’t…there was nothing I could do. What was I supposed to do against the queen’s battle mages, her elite arcane forces? I felt so helpless…so useless. Even with all the training I’m still useless.
The knife ears didn’t stop there…no…they murdered our families. I stopped at home after I witnessed the deaths of my friends, hoping they didn’t come for mother, father, and little Annie. Their bodies did not resemble those of my parents. They were literally burned to death. The fire must’ve been hot, because on some parts black bone broke through the dried flesh.
Annie’s body…by the gods…her torso was ripped opened. Bits of rust still clung on the skin from the blade they used. That wasn’t the way she died it was a blow to her head. The force was so strong it cracked opened her skull. The doll I gave her was tossed aside head cracked like its owner’s. I have it with me.
I don’t know how long I sat there, but Ina found me cradling Annie’s body. She forced me on my feet and made me hide in the storage room of her store. She tried to comfort me…I don’t remember much of that.
She explained that her family was shipping goods to Gadarn tomorrow. The plan was simple: I hide in one of the large crates and it would be loaded onto the ship. She’d stay behind to throw the guards off my trail. I pleaded with her to come with me, but that would only make things worse. Her parents would search for her. I needed to live she said.
I don’t know anymore.